The Paradox of Pre-Covid Depression and Anxiety in a Re-opening Reality
Salimah Alibhai, Registered Psychotherapist & member of the Everyday Heroes Kids Community discusses some ‘tools’ for families working to support good mental health and feeling safe in times of uncertainty.
We all have tirelessly heard the reference “navigate uncertain times” and “the need to pivot”. These terms when dealing with depression and anxiety are in fact the baseline of what is feared. Re-opening post pandemic has a different meaning and context for those who have suffered with anxiety and depression pre-covid.
Depressive behaviors offer a numbing to experienced hurt and internalized shame. Depressive feelings negate receptivity to pleasure and connectivity. Depressive thinking holds onto trying to understand: “why me?” Depression is searching for safety from the past. Stay at home orders supported the idea that isolation is a solution.
Anxious behaviors offer an illusion of protection and comfort. Anxious feelings paralyze evoking vulnerability. Anxious thinking compares and evaluates one’s sense of control to rules and judgments. Anxiety is searching for certainty in the future. Stay at home orders reinforced the idea of respite from social and performance based pressures as it was sanctioned to retreat into one’s bubble.
The truth is there is no, and there has never been, safe certainty in the present.
So, how do we learn to return to some sense of normalcy when for those with pre-existing depression and anxiety there was no anchoring of normal pre-covid? Perhaps this is in fact the win in the context of dealing with this ever-changing landscape. Let’s use this as our re-set. Here are some tips to support creating a new relationship to support feeling safe in the uncertainty.
4 Entry Points of Change
Thinking: First, thank your thought. It comes from a good place- it is trying to help but it is not the full picture. Yes, it is valid and important. The question is how. How unilaterally valid? How singularly important? Flip your script by visualizing the interfering thought turning upside down- now you have created space in your mind! What is the opposite of that thought? How can this thought help balance out the situation?
Behaviors: Ask yourself, did I do one thing today for self-care, one thing that has brought me pleasure, one thing that has added to others or that was productive? Choose behaviors that add and uplift, start small. Focus on with was is working and enjoyable. Create a routine to support building a rhythm around mornings, after school, bedtime, or with self-care practices. Use a position of a curious mind to look at the everyday ordinary with openness. You do not have to do more or different. You are enough and you are doing enough. Take the same old and try it again for the first time using a curious mind. Slow down. Try one thing each day in this mindset- an interest, reading, art, music, a joke, gratitude journal, or talking to a neighbor.
Feeling: All feelings are useful and needed; feelings move you into action even inaction is effort. Feelings communicate a message- listen to your feeling, connect with it, and ask what it needs to move you forward. Nourish your emotion give it what it needs but do not give into it.
Body Experience: Your body holds memories and wisdom; physical sensations are vibrations to honor and release or soothe. Sensations of restless, tightening of your chest, heart palpations, widening of the eyes, shortness of breath- are equally signs of both fear and excitement. With one you invite the sensation and with the other you want to avoid the experience. Do you wonder if in avoiding fear you also avoid the opportunity for excitement, love, joy, or possibility? Engage in your life using your 5 senses: what do I hear, see, taste, smell, and physically feel. Mindfully brush your teeth, go for a walk, try a breathing exercise, engage in progressive muscle relaxation, intentionally eat food as fuel, add water to hydrate, building an evening sleep practice, wrap yourself in a warm blanket or open a window for fresh air. These are examples of ways to support regulation and alignment.
What can caregivers do?
ü Validate feelings: observe, notice, name, offer language, listen, connect- do not judge or jump into problem solving too quickly
ü Start with the belief in that they are doing enough and are they are trying their best
ü Learn from what worked or is working, and build from there
ü Focus on strengths, assets and interests. Advocate- share this with educators
ü Model Flexibility- be ready and open for both ends of possibility. Things can as likely go well, as much as they could go poorly. Be open to “re-calculating your route”.
ü Set the tone with your language- encourage (I believe in you, I trust you, we can handle this) versus reassure (everything is going to be okay)
What can children/youth do?
ü Learn to “ride out” the physical sensations of anxiety. Stay neutral and ride it out- do not think yourself into a panic state, coach it into a place of curious anticipation- you got this!
ü Talk back to anxiety- catch, evaluate, and change anxious thinking- Flip your script.
ü Preserve through fears by gradually facing them one-step at a time. Do something versus nothing! Break the avoidance pattern- one small step, in any direction, is momentum. Momentum before direction- first get unstuck then, ask where are we going- start where you are now, be creative and fun to build energy and hope
About Salimah Alibhai:
“I support building attuned and affirming parent-child relationships, and safety and emotion regulation for children and adolescents to better cope and rise above worry, fear and stress. As parents, we can feel lost and overwhelmed by the idea that our children are suffering. Through my approach to therapy there is an integration of individual child/youth focused work with parental coaching and family therapy to bridge and synthesize skills, communication and connection. The focus is to support ease and upliftment where we can access our resourcefulness that currently feels “denied” and each day can feel lighter. I help children and youth build awareness and an inventory to understand, name, express and relate to their feelings with calm and confidence so we can put our best self forward and live more optimally towards our potential.”
For more information on Everyday Heroes Kids & to view Salimah’s full profile please visit www.ehkidshealth.com
